Watch Me Burn
by Livie79
Summary: There were a lot of words to describe my relationship with Bella Swan. I just never imagine that "over" would be one of them. Entry for TLS Angst Contest.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Not Mine.**

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Voices murmured around the room. The occasional boisterous laugh echoed off the walls from someone who'd drunk too much. It happened every time Alex had a gathering at his house for his colleagues. Considering most of them were our old fraternity brothers, it really came as no surprise that people got a little rowdy. Recently though, things had calmed down. It was no secret that was largely due to the latest addition to the guest list.

Pushing the back door closed with my foot, I set a plate of burgers on the kitchen table and grabbed my drink. I'd planned to go back outside but stilled at the sound of Bella's laughter. I scanned the room. My back stiffened when I saw her, my grip tightening around my glass of whiskey.

With her hair hanging in her face, she swayed a bit and leaned into the guy next to her. He chuckled and steadied her as she stretched up on her toes and whispered in his ear. A smirk spread across his face at whatever she'd said, his eyes flashing to me when she reached up and squeezed his bicep. My jaw clenched and my pulse roared in my ears when she dipped her chin and turned her head until our eyes locked. Her blank expression and cold eyes made my stomach drop. Something wasn't right.

"You and Bella taking a stroll down memory lane?" Alex asked, his voice thick with confusion.

"I don't know what's going on with her," I answered, not taking my eyes off Bella. "She's been acting really weird since Heidi had the baby."

"Do you think it bothers her that we're already married and have a kid while you're still dicking around?"

I tore my gaze away from Bella and glared at my brother. "Fuck off," I scoffed. "First, you and Heidi are insane. Who proposes after two months of dating, then decides to have a baby less than six months after the wedding? Bella and I aren't ready. We both just finished school and started new jobs. We haven't had time to think about that shit."

"But you've been living together for almost a year. What are you waiting on, Edward? Are you having second thoughts?"

"Of course I'm sure. I―" I lowered my voice and looked around to make sure no one was listening. "I bought a ring a month ago. But she's been acting so strange. I don't know what to think. She was fine...until she wasn't."

"Well," Alex sighed, his eyes flicking to Bella, "you might want to figure that shit out."

I followed the direction of his gaze and had to fight every instinct in my body to keep from launching my glass against the wall before dragging her out of the room. Her finger traced the rim of her glass as she smiled up at the guy in front of her. She was flirting, and she wasn't trying to hide it. If anything, she was making sure I saw. It was what she wanted, but I was in no mood to play this game with her. I didn't want to revert to how we were in college. When we'd push each other's buttons by flirting with other people until one of us snapped and dragged the other out of the room. It was fucked up, but we fed off the energy, the anger. We loved it. But that was a long time ago, and neither of us had done anything like that in years. Not until tonight. I had no intention of giving her what she wanted. Instead, I downed the rest of my whiskey and crossed the room to where Heidi stood with a group of friends.

Placing my hand on her shoulder, I offered her a small smile in apology for interrupting. "Where's Mags?"

Heidi grinned, her eyes darting over my shoulder before returning to mine. "Chelsea has her. They were in the living room about ten minutes ago."

"Thanks." I turned to go when Heidi tugged on my sleeve.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Seriously," I added when she only stared at me.

"Liar," she whispered, her eyes troubled. "What the hell is wrong with her?"

"Heidi don't. I love you, but don't go there. You know better." Heidi was a great girl and she was perfect for my brother, even if I did think they were crazy. But I wasn't the only person Bella had been treating differently the last several months. Heidi made no secret that Bella's attitude had pissed her off. Logically, I knew she had every right to be upset, but Bella was my girl, and I didn't give a damn who she was, no one was allowed to trash Bella to me.

"I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you."

"I know. Everything is fine. I'm going to find Mags." I leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before turning toward the living room, purposely avoiding looking in Bella's direction. When we left the party she and I were going to talk. She was going to tell me what the hell was going on, and we were going to fix it once and for all. I wanted to marry her. I wanted her to have our children. I wanted forever. Whatever she was going through wasn't going change that.

"Hey, Chelsea." I grinned, dropping to the floor beside her and leaning against the couch.

"I wondered how long it'd take you to come find her." Chelsea laughed and handed me Maggie.

"You're lucky I was on burger detail, or I would have taken her from you as soon as I got here." I bent my knees and laid my niece on my thighs. "Hey, Mags. I heard you got your daddy good earlier."

"Oh, Edward. It was awful," Chelsea laughed. "I think he burned his clothes. She completely blew out her diaper while he was holding her."

"That's my girl," I chuckled and tickled her side. She made a gurgling sound in the back of her throat and grabbed my finger. Drool slid down her chin as she wrestled with me to pull my finger into her mouth.

"Do you think she's teething?" Chelsea asked, leaning across me to wipe Maggie's chin.

"I'm a child psychologist. I don't know a damn thing about teething." I brushed my hand over Maggie's head, the soft red hairs standing in every direction. She kicked her legs while she smiled and babbled.

"Well, you better figure it out. One day this will be you."

I looked over at Chelsea and smiled as she made faces at Maggie. "Yeah. One day."

"I'm ready to go."

I was startled at the angry bite of Bella's voice. Her expression was hard as her glazed eyes darted between me and Chelsea.

"Now," she spat and stumbled forward.

My eyes widened, and I passed Maggie to Chelsea as Bella fell toward me. Leaning up, I managed to catch her arms and steady her before she fell into my lap. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I hissed.

She jerked away and smoothed down her hair. "Nothing is wrong with me. I'm the same as I've always been."

I shook my head and stood from the floor. Wrapping my arm around Bella's waist, I turned toward Chelsea who was clutching Maggie and gaping at Bella. "Hey, will you tell Alex and Heidi we took off?"

"Yeah. Sure. Of course."

"Of course you will. Why don't you suck his dick while you're at it? Everyone knows you want to," Bella sneered.

I tightened my grip on Bella and leaned down until my lips were pressed against her ear. When I spoke my voice was low, nothing more than a growl through clenched teeth. "I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you, but you need to shut the fuck up, right now."

Bella lifted her arms and pushed against my side. She tried to twist out of my grip, but I pulled her closer and held her tighter. "Tell Alex I'll call him later."

I wanted to tell Chelsea I was sorry, but Bella was drunk and acting like an asshole. Apologizing to the girl she'd just insulted would only make matters worse. Snatching her coat off the hook by the door, I pulled her out of the house.

"Get the fuck off me, Edward. Maybe I don't want to leave after all. Maybe you should go back in there with Chelsea and I'll find Paul. He didn't have any problem giving me attention."

I pushed her against the side of my car as soon as the words left her lips. Caging her body with mine, I pressed against her. "That's it. I've had it with your shit. Are you trying to piss me off? You want me to be jealous? Do you want me to fuck you like I used to when you'd pull this shit? Because you're testing my patience, Bella."

"You wouldn't know how to fuck me like you used to." She laughed, the sound hard and hateful.

"Get in the car," I demanded. She stared at me, her entire body radiating defiance. I took a step back and ripped open the door. "Get in the fucking car. Now."

She rolled her eyes and tripped into the car, her face twisted with annoyance. I reached across her and fastened the seat belt before slamming the door. Pulling in several deep, calming breaths, I walked around the car and climbed behind the wheel. When I looked in her direction, her face was turned toward the window, her hair shielding her face.

The air was thick with tension as I made the short drive to our house. Bella remained mute and stone-still the entire way. Her childish sulking and ridiculous behavior had my teeth grinding and my jaw aching. When I pulled into our garage and killed the engine, she didn't move. I dropped my head to the steering wheel and squeezed my eyes shut. Yelling at her wasn't going to get us anywhere, no matter how much I wanted to.

With my forehead resting on the steering wheel, I turned my head in her direction and blew out a breath. "You gotta talk to me, baby. I can't help if I don't know what the problem is."

Bella made a disgusted sound and rolled her eyes before grabbing the handle and kicking open the door. "God, Edward. When did you become such a fucking pussy?"

I shoved my door open and met her at the back of the car. "I'm a pussy because I want to know what the fuck is going on with my girlfriend? Because I want to help?"

"No. You're a pussy because you didn't even get pissed when I was talking to that guy. You fucking walked away and went to find your precious niece and Heidi's amazing sister. Maybe you just don't care anymore. Maybe you want me to fuck someone else so you can have a shot at Chelsea. Is that it, Edward? You want to fuck other people? I bet Paul could fuck me like a man."

"Fuck you, Bella." I wrapped my arms around her and hoisted her over my shoulder. She struggled to break my hold, but I wasn't putting her down. She'd gone too far.

As soon as the door slammed shut behind me, I set her on the floor and roughly pulled her back against my chest. "Is this what you want?" I hissed, palming her breast roughly. My heart thundered in my chest, and my cock hardened against the small of her back as she arched against me.

"I don't know. It's been so long since you've really fucked me, I don't even remember what it's like." She reached behind my head and fisted my hair. Yanking my head down, she pressed her lips to my ear. "I bet Paul knows how."

I slowly lifted my head and chuckled in disbelief. Dropping my hand, I cupped her pussy over her skirt and squeezed. "If you say that motherfucker's name one more time, I'm going to shove my dick in your mouth to shut you up." I walked us forward until her thighs hit the back of the couch.

I squeezed my hand over her pussy until she winced. "This is mine," I cautioned, my voice low. Kicking her legs apart, I pulled away enough to rip the back of her skirt until it fell to the ground. A wave of unease rolled over me, and I wanted to stop. This wasn't who we were anymore. This was us in the beginning. When we were young kids who got off on fucking with each other. Before I realized we were more and didn't need games and fights to love each other with passion.

Bella spun around to face me. She shook her head in disappointment as soon as her eyes landed on my face. "I knew it. I knew you couldn't do it. What a fucking letdown."

My lip curled in anger as I reached up and grabbed her hair. "You want me to fuck you hard? Tell you if you ever fuck another guy I'll kill him and you'll wish you never met me? That's what you want?"

"That's what I want. Be a fucking man. Show me you still know how."

I released her hair and grabbed the front of her shirt. She hissed and flinched away from me when the material dug in her skin as I tore it from her body. "Oh, no, baby." I tsked, dragging the straps of her bra down her arms. "You wanted this. Begged for it. Now you're going to stand here and take everything I give you."

I pulled her against me and kissed her hard. There were no soft licks or gentle tugs. She didn't want that type of kiss. She wanted raw and punishing. She wanted me to abuse her mouth until it was red, swollen, and we were both panting for air. With every passing second, our touches became more demanding, and I lost myself a little more. Bella's nails clawed at my skin as she wrestled with my shirt. When I made no move to help, she growled in frustration before sinking her teeth into my lip, the taste of copper suddenly filling my mouth. Stepping away from her, I swiped my thumb across my lip and chuckled when I noticed the bright red blood staining my skin.

"Oh, you really shouldn't have done that." I dragged my tongue over my lip, my eyes locked with hers as I unfastened my jeans. Standing still for a moment, I took in her heavy-lidded eyes. They seemed both manic and sad. Desperate and frantic. She shifted her weight, seemingly unnerved by my scrutiny. With narrowed eyes, Bella suddenly reached out and pulled me close. Widening the opening of my jeans, she wrapped her hand around my dick and squeezed. Hard.

"Fuck," I groaned, my eyes rolling back. My dick throbbed painfully, and my pulse roared in my ears as I rocked forward. As hesitant as I'd been to be with her like this, I couldn't deny how much I loved it. How much I loved to see that fire light her eyes. Wrapping her hair around my hand, I pulled her head back, licking and sucking my way down her neck. I slipped my hand inside her panties and skimmed my nose up the curve of her neck to her ear.

"Is this what you want?" I taunted, sliding two fingers inside her slickened pussy.

"God, yes."

She rocked against my hand and her legs began to shake as I fucked her relentlessly with my fingers. "Not yet," I warned. "You don't get to come yet. Not after the way you've fucking acted."

She cried out, her hands clutching my shoulders when I added a third finger. I bent my knees and dropped my mouth to her breast. My teeth scraped over her skin as I flicked her hardened nipple with my tongue. This wasn't foreplay. It wasn't about making her come or turning her on. It was about pushing her to the point of madness, and then pushing a little more.

Every time I'd feel her begin to tighten around me, I'd slow my movements until she was whimpering in frustration. But when she swept her thumb over the head of my dick and started to stroke me, I was done teasing her. I shifted away and peeled her panties down her legs. Pushing my pants down my hips, I let them pool at my ankles, not bothering to step out of them. This wasn't going to take long for either of us. I grabbed her hand and tugged her away from the couch and against my chest.

Lifting my hand, I smoothed her hair away from her forehead. My touch was gentle, a complete contrast from my words. "I'm going to fuck you hard now. Are you ready?"

Something flickered in her eyes, and for a moment she looked like my Bella. Not the cold, hateful version she had been pretending to be. She blinked twice and stretched up on her toes, her lips pressing against mine in a way they hadn't all night. "Yes."

I swallowed and gripped her tighter. "Why do you want this?" It was stupid of me to ask. I knew she was dealing with things she wasn't ready to talk about, but I loved her. I couldn't avoid asking the question. She meant too much to me.

Her eyes drifted shut, and she was silent for several moments before she looked back at me. What I saw in her face was clear resolve and absolute truth. "I just want to feel like I did when we met. I want to remember what made me want you in the first place."

Any concern I felt was wiped away by her words and replaced with bone deep anger. She was being intentionally cruel. She wanted to piss me off. She wanted to hurt me. And even though I wanted to know why, I wanted to shut her up more.

Without bothering to respond, I spun her around and bent her over the back of the couch. I stroked myself once before clutching her hip with one hand and guiding myself inside her with the other. I shivered when her muscles contracted around me, the heat of her soft, silk-slick pussy making my stomach tighten. Leaning over her, I fisted her hair and pulled until her neck and back arched and the angle shifted, then I fucked her without concern or consideration. Just like she wanted.

She moaned and struggled to grip the couch as I slammed into her over and over again. Our labored breaths, the sound of slapping skin, and soft curses echoed off the walls of the otherwise silent room. When I felt her begin to tighten around me, I didn't stop. I released her hair and clutched her other hip, my thrusts so forceful, they caused the couch to slide forward. Bella cried out. I wasn't sure if it was from pleasure or pain, but in that moment I was too far gone to care. If I were being honest, I wanted it to hurt. I wanted her to remember this every time she moved. I wanted to give back just a little bit of the pain she'd inflicted on me with her cold and hateful behavior.

My legs started shaking, and white spots flashed in front of my eyes as my orgasm ripped through me. I came in long, body-jerking pulses that caused my knees to buckle and the air in my lungs to freeze like ice. Flexing my fingers once, I pulled out of her and reached down for my pants. With my jeans resting loosely over my hips, I walked around to the front of the couch where Bella was still bent over and panting.

"Bella." When she didn't answer or bother to look at me, I called her name again, this time with more force.

She raised her head enough where I could see her face, but she still refused to look me in the eye. "I don't want to talk."

I clenched my fists and turned away from her. She might not have looked me in the eye, but it didn't keep me from seeing the wetness on her cheeks. She was still shutting me out. Any relief I'd felt from coming was already gone as my frustration began to mount. When I spoke my voice was flat, detached, just like hers. "Neither do I. Turn off the lights when you're done here. I'm going to bed."

I didn't wait for a response before I moved down the hall to our bedroom. I didn't know if she'd come to bed. I didn't even know if she'd had an orgasm. And for the first time since we'd met, I really didn't care. A fleeting glance in her direction before walking into our bedroom was all it took to cement the fear and dread I'd felt inside. Her eyes were closed and her cheeks shone with tears. But what made bile burn the back of my throat was the satisfied smile that lingered on her lips. I knew Bella well enough to know her satisfaction had nothing to do with sex. She was happy I had walked away from her. She wanted me angry. She was using me to deepen and widen the distance she had been creating between us, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop her.

When I woke the next morning, the sheets were cool and Bella was gone. I tried calling her several times, but she refused to answer her phone. When she finally did respond, it was with a short text saying she'd be home late and to not bother waiting up.

That day set the tone for the weeks that followed. I lived with a stranger. My Bella was nowhere to be found, lost to the secrets living inside her head that she refused to share. She was slipping away from me. Removing a part of me that was entwined with her, that existed because of her, us. But more painful than the process itself was the fact that Bella didn't seem to care.

I dropped my pen on my desk and scrubbed my hand over my face. The smell of stale coffee burned my nose. The endless piles of paperwork stacked around my office made my temples throb. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to go to bed with Bella beside me instead of wondering if she'd pretend to have fallen asleep on the couch again.

Knuckles rapped on the door and pulled me from my thoughts. "Hey, Edward," Mike said. He leaned casually against the frame and crossed his arms over his chest. "Are you ready for the conference?"

I blew out a heavy breath and shook my head. "Not even a little. I actually wanted to talk to you about that."

"Yeah? What's up?" Mike pushed off the frame and fell into the chair across from me.

"I was wondering how big of a deal it would be if I bowed out of my lecture. I know it's last minute, but I've been dealing with some personal issues and going out of town right now is the last thing I need." I knew it was shitty to blow off a lecture I'd been scheduled to give for months, but when I'd agreed, I hadn't planned on my relationship with Bella falling apart.

Mike's face grew serious, and I knew my answer before he even opened his mouth. "It would be a huge deal. Enormous. You can't blow it off. I'm not trying to seem insensitive, but unless someone is dying, you can't back out. Not without repercussions. That's not it, is it? Is someone sick?"

I shook my head. "No. No one is sick or dying." Not literally, I added silently.

"Are you okay? I've noticed you've been a bit distracted lately. Anything you want to talk about?"

"No. Everything will be okay. I knew it was a longshot."

"I'm really sorry, Edward. You know I'm not trying to be a jerk, right?"

"I know you aren't. I understand. Really." And I did understand. This was a big deal for our practice. A lot of people were depending on me. It was dumb luck that I'd been invited to speak anyway. Letting my personal issues affect my job was unprofessional, to say the least. Especially when I didn't even know what those personal issues were in the first place. But the idea of leaving Bella for a few days, when everything was so strained, caused a dark sense of foreboding to swell in my chest. It was almost like if I let her out of my sight for more than a day, I'd lose her forever.

That night, as I packed my suitcase, I decided she wasn't going to avoid me anymore. I needed answers. I didn't care if she stayed out until after midnight. The sound of the garage door opening caused a lump to lodge in my throat. I peered at my watch, my eyes widening when I realized it was just after seven. Bella hadn't been home before ten in more than two weeks.

I felt her behind me before I heard her soft gasp. "What are you doing?"

Something about the way her words came out in a choked whisper calmed me. "I'm packing."

"You're leaving me."

I dropped the shirt in my hand and slowly turned toward her. Blood roared in my ears, and my pulse beat frantically. I wasn't sure which was worse: the fact that she could even say those words to me, or that she said it like a fact and not a question. "Leaving you? Why would you even say something like that to me? Do you think I'd just pack my shit and leave without so much as a word? Is that what you want? Is that why you've been pushing me away?" Suddenly it hit me. That's exactly what she'd been doing. Did she believe I'd just get sick of her shit and throw in the towel? That I'd leave with no word? Was that what she would do?

Not waiting for an answer, I crossed the room until I was in front of her. "Goddamnit, Bella. What the fuck has happened to you? To us? Why are you trying to break us? I want the fucking truth, and I want it now." Pulling her into the room, I slammed the door shut. "I'm not letting you out of this room until you talk to me."

"What does it matter?" She spat, pulling away from me. "You're leaving. There's not really anything left to say is there?"

"I'm going to a fucking conference. Which you would know if you bothered to talk to me or gave a shit about anything going on with me. But you've been so busy staying as far away from me as possible that I can see why it might have slipped your mind." The flicker of disappointment I saw in her eyes nearly sent me to my knees. It was confirmation of my biggest fear. She wanted us to be over.

"You're imagining things. Work has been―"

"Bella." I cupped her cheeks.

"―crazy and you've been―"

"Baby, please." I tightened my hands around her face and dropped my forehead to hers. "Stop. Please. Don't do this." She continued to talk, giving meaningless excuses that fell flat and insincere. Squeezing my eyes shut, I pressed my lips to hers. "You're breaking my heart."

Her words died in her throat as she lifted her hands to my wrists and gripped them. "I don't want to hurt you," she whispered.

"Then stop. Tell me what's going on. Tell me what I can do. I'll do anything."

She shook her head and smoothed her hands up my arms and around my neck. "I'm so sorry. About everything."

Her fingers twisted in my hair as she tilted her head and kissed me, her lips soft and gentle. My shoulders dropped, my arms wrapped around her, and I pulled her as close as I could. It was in that moment I realized how long it had been since I kissed her and how much I'd missed it. Her. "We need to talk."

"I know." She kissed my neck, her hands sliding down my shoulders, across my chest, and over my stomach. "We will." Her fingers pushed under my shirt and her nails scraped over my skin. "Touch me. Please. Just touch me."

The pleading tone in her voice and the sad look in her eyes broke my resolve. For the first time in weeks, my Bella stood in front of me, and there was nothing I wouldn't give her. I peeled off her clothes, my mouth and hands caressing each curve and swell of her body. When I eased her onto the bed and rocked against her, I felt the weeks of stress and pain melt away. Pushing my hands under her arms, I moved them around her back until my fingers clutched her shoulders. I pressed my chest against the swell of her breasts, and my thighs rested over hers until every inch of our bodies were touching. It still didn't feel like enough. Whispered apologies passed from her lips as I made love to her. When she shuddered and sighed as we fell over the edge, it felt like us.

The sky was beginning to lighten when I felt her lips against my shoulder. Without a word, she straddled my hips and moved over me until my muscles clenched and my body shook. When my alarm went off sometime later, she was already gone. I crawled out of bed and walked into the kitchen where a pot of coffee and a note sat on the counter.

**Had to be at the office early. Good luck at the conference. -Bella**

I balled up the piece of paper and flung it across the room. She'd done it again. She'd distracted me and avoided talking. And I'd fallen for it. Another realization hit me then. She hadn't said she loved me. Not on the note and not last night. Only that she was sorry. What exactly she was apologizing for, I didn't know. And I had a feeling when I found out, I was going to wish I hadn't.

I spent the next few days mind-fucking myself in every way possible. Bella surprised me the first day when she called out of the blue. She seemed like herself but different, almost manic. But after that, she didn't call again. She didn't answer when I called either. Her texts were short and impersonal. When I finished my final lecture, I didn't bother waiting until the end of the conference. I just wanted to get home to Bella.

I sent her a text that I was coming home early and I expected her to be there. If she wasn't, I was coming to look for her. Her hot and cold demeanor was fucking with my head, and I needed answers. I'd been as patient as I could. My bravado, however, was short-lived when I pulled into our driveway and saw her car.

Parking in the garage, I stepped out of the car and gripped my hair as I paced outside the door. Dread crept up my spine and worked its way around my chest, constricting my breathing and causing my heart to pound. The moment I stepped inside, I shivered. The house felt different. Cold. Wrong. I knew tonight would be different. There would be no avoidance. Tonight felt like revelations and heartbreak.

I wanted to turn around. Walk out of the house and get back into my car. Pull out into the street and away from whatever tonight would bring. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't be a coward. And I sure as fuck wasn't going to give up without a fight. I loved her. I loved her without reason.

Relaxing my shoulders, I opened the refrigerator and grabbed a beer. I looked on the freezer door for the bottle opener and paused when I realized it wasn't there. Nothing was there. No pictures, notes, schedules. Nothing. My eyes darted around the room, my heart starting to pound as I noticed little things missing. The sound of Bella's shoes clacking against the hardwood floors snatched me from my perusal. When she reached the doorway and met my gaze, her eyes were cold and flat, her smile small and strained.

I dropped my eyes and set my beer on the counter. I couldn't stand to see her look at me with those eyes. Silence hung in the air like a thick fog. Unease prickled my skin and twisted my insides. When she didn't speak, I let my eyes slide over her body, taking in every curve, the flare of her hips, and the swell of her breasts wrapped tightly in the dark fabric of her dress. "You look good." I was surprised by the smooth, even tone of my voice. It sounded completely normal, like I wasn't freaking out on the inside.

"Thanks," she whispered, her voice holding the same dull, flat edge reflected in her eyes.

"Going somewhere?" The sharp bite in my voice caused her to flinch. It wasn't intentional, but my nerves were on edge.

"Yeah. I have a dinner meeting."

"Cancel. I came home early so we could talk. You're not going anywhere." My expression left no room for argument. She wasn't running away from me again. And even though the thought of being trapped in a room with her and pushing until she finally told me what was going on felt like being led to my execution chair, I was done waiting.

There was a flicker in her eyes, something akin to sadness, and it caused my angry stance to weaken. The moment she saw it, her face smoothed and her eyes dropped, almost as if she realized her mistake. It was like a knife twisted in my gut. Her fists clenched at her sides as she pulled in a deep breath. The longer she remained silent, the more fear and anger boiled inside me. "Tell me what the fuck is going on," I roared.

"I'm leaving," she screamed, her face bright red.

I stared at her wide eyed. "What?" My voice was barely a whisper.

"You heard me. I'm leaving. We're done." She blinked back the shimmer in her eyes, but never averted her gaze.

My stomach dropped, and my vision blurred as the room spun. "What? No. What are you―" I couldn't think. I couldn't wrap my mind around what she'd said. "No. You don't get to leave me, Bella."

"That's not your decision to make. I have to do what's best for me. I deserve to be happy."

"Bullshit," I spat. "I have no say? I'm just supposed to accept this and let you go? We're supposed to be a team. Me and you. We make these decisions together. You don't get to throw us away!"

"Do you love me, Edward? Do you want me to be happy?"

"Of course I fucking do."

"Then don't ask me to stay. Don't force me into a relationship I no longer want," she pleaded.

I wanted to vomit. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to do anything that would close the gaping hole ripping my chest open. "How can you say that to me? We made plans, Bella. We have a future. We promised forever."

"You made plans, Edward. Oh, my God. Can't you see?" she yelled, her arms thrown out wide. "This is not the life I wanted. This is your life. Your plans. Your future. You wanted the steady job. Marriage, kids, and a white picket fence. I feel trapped. Caged. I feel like I'm suffocating. Do you remember when we first met? How we planned to see the world and work stupid odd jobs and live life to the fullest? That's what I agreed to. Not this."

I stood in stunned silence. Nothing made sense. Everything she said was complete bullshit. She wanted this house. She'd planned our wedding down to the color of her flowers. But the desperation I felt was so much greater than my desire to challenge her. "You want to travel? We'll travel. We don't have to get married or have kids. I just want you. Don't you know that? I don't care about any of those things. They mean nothing without you."

"I don't want that. I don't want you to give up your dreams so that I can have mine. Neither of us should have to make that sacrifice."

"I don't care about that stuff. Don't you understand?"

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she shook her head. "So are you telling me that you haven't bought a ring? That you don't have plans to ask me to marry you?"

"How do you―"

"And what about kids?" she continued. "I see how you are with Maggie. You're a child psychologist for Christ's sake. You've built your entire career around children."

"But you're my life, baby."

"You say that now. But what about in a year? Two years? What if you decide you want to marry and have children? I don't want that. Why prolong the inevitable? Why put off finding someone who shares those dreams with you?"

"Because I don't want someone else," I choked. Crossing the room, I wrapped my arms around her, ignoring the pain in my chest when she tried to push me away.

She cried out, her body rigid as she shoved against my chest until I stumbled back. Turning away from me, she wiped under her eyes and breathed deeply before facing me once more. When she did, her eyes were clear and her face was washed clean of emotion.

I felt like my entire world was breaking apart and shattering at her feet.

"I'm sorry." Her words were resolved and without an ounce of emotion. "I never wanted to hurt you."

Anger, sadness, fear, and longing warred inside me. I felt like I was coming apart at the seams, unable to grasp a hold of one emotion before another one came crashing down on top of me. "No you're not. You don't feel anything. You can't possibly feel sorrow. Because if you did, you'd be dying inside. Just like me."

Her eyes narrowed, the brown eclipsed my black as her lips pressed into a thin line and her chest rose and fell heavily. "Don't play the victim," she sneered. "You're not dying. You'll move on and find someone else. In time you won't even remember me."

"I could never forget you. I love you. How can you walk away from everything we are?"

"What are we, Edward? We're nothing. Just two people who tripped into each other's lives for a moment in time. We were never meant to be forever. Stop imagining what could have been and accept it's over."

My back slid against the wall as I eased to the floor. I searched Bella's face, looking for the girl who'd climbed the fire escape to my dorm room because she'd forgotten to kiss me goodnight. The girl who refused to leave my side for even a moment when my mother died. The girl who laughed and loved me with every inch of her body, both inside and out. The girl who cried when I told her I loved her and then yelled at me for taking so long to realize it. The girl who told me she loved me from the moment we met and would do so until the day she died. But I couldn't find her anywhere. She was gone. And the person she'd left behind was determined to break me until I was gone as well.

I pulled my knees up and flattened my feet on the floor. Digging my elbows into my knees, I gripped my hair. Loss swelled inside me as I mourned the girl I loved and the life we had planned. "What happened to you? Don't do this. Don't end us. I don't know how to live like that. Because a life without you?" I choked, my throat tight. "It's nothing. There's no life without you. Not for me."

She dropped her eyes to the floor, too much of a coward to look me in the eye. To see the crushing pain tearing apart the threads of my soul. In a soft spoken voice, so sweet that it reminded me of the times when I'd wrap her in my arms and promise her forever, she destroyed me. "I'm not in love with you anymore. I'm sorry."

I dropped my head in my hands and listened as her shoes clicked across the floor. The door closing behind her sounded like a cannon being fired. When the garage door shut with a clank, the house was shrouded in hollow silence. I remained on the kitchen floor until my muscles ached, and bright sunlight filtered through the windows. I moved numbly into the bathroom and leaned over the sink. When I lifted my eyes to the mirror, I didn't even recognize the man staring back at me. He looked defeated and broken. LIke the life had been sucked out of him.

Turning on the faucet, I splashed cold water on my face and tried to clear my head. That's when I noticed. All of Bella's things were gone: her lotions, makeup, the place where her toothbrush hung. All of it was empty. I ripped open the drawers, but nothing of hers remained. I stumbled into the bedroom and yanked open the closet door. Empty hangers swung on the rod as I pushed my shirts from one side to the other, knowing I wouldn't find her things but unable to stop myself from looking anyway.

I backed away from the half-empty closet until my knees hit the bed. I sat heavily and looked around the room. All of her things were gone. Clothes, pictures, even the furniture she'd brought when we'd moved in together was gone. There wasn't a trace of her that remained. If I didn't know better, it was like she'd never been here at all. But I did know better. She might have stripped our home of any trace of her, but that didn't matter. No matter how hard she tried, she'd never be able to erase my memory of her. Because that was where she lived. Not in this house, but inside of me. And she'd just set me on fire and left me to burn.

The next few days passed in a blur. I wasn't expected back to work until the following Monday, so I took advantage of my free time by staying in a drunken stupor. I tried to call Bella, but she'd changed her number. She was really gone.

If I were being honest, I envied her. I wanted to know how she'd done it. How she managed to just stop loving me. Was there some kind of trick? Because I really wanted in on that secret. When I returned to work, I felt like I was living someone else's life. It was strange to continue on like it was just another day. Like my entire world hadn't been wrecked. I still hadn't told anyone. I wasn't ready for their pity. I wasn't ready to say out loud to another person that she'd left me. It was just another step away from the denial that none of this was real. That this was all just a bad dream and I'd wake up and she'd be there and she'd laugh at me and tell me I was crazy for dreaming about something so unrealistic.

By Wednesday, Alex and Heidi were both calling. I knew the longer I avoided them, the more persistent they would become. And I missed them. I missed Maggie. But the thought of seeing them together and happy hurt so much it was hard to breathe. When the doorbell rang that afternoon, my shoulders dropped in defeat. I walked slowly to the front door, trying to prepare myself for facing whichever one of them had had enough of my silence.

I was surprised when I opened the door and saw our mail man, Pete, standing on my porch, his arms loaded with mail.

"Mr. Cullen, I'm sorry to disturb you, but I can't fit anything else into your box. I wasn't sure if you were on vacation. I didn't want to return your mail."

My throat tightened when I thought about the reason I couldn't even remember to check my mail. "No," I said, clearing my throat. "I've been pretty busy lately. Thanks for not sending it back."

"Of course. I um―" Pete shifted his weight and cleared his throat. "I have a change of address request for Ms. Swan, but it doesn't have a start date on the form. If you'd like, I can pull out anything with her name on it and forward it."

I shook my head and tried to give him a reassuring smile. "No, that's okay. It's been a while since I've checked the mail. I'll go through it and drop it back in the mailbox for you."

With a nod and a sympathetic smile, Pete turned and jogged back to his truck. I closed the door and walked back into the kitchen, my legs heavy. Thumbing through the mail, my eyes stung at the small things I came across, like junk mail from random clothing stores addressed to Bella. I set aside her credit card statements and phone bill, but paused when I noticed several envelopes from a medical facility. Two, three, four I counted, all from the same place.

My heart lodged in my throat and my hands shook as I ripped open the top envelope. I scanned the statement, the words leaping from the page strangling the breath from my body. I opened the next and the next. Bile rose hot and thick in my throat as words my brain struggled to process twisted like a knife in my chest. Words like conclusive results and extensive damage slid together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, the test dates perfectly aligned with when she began to pull away. But it was the last letter that broke my heart and gave me hope all at once.

_Probability of conception: Less than 5%_

Stumbling to the kitchen table, I sank into a chair and tried to stop the room from spinning. With my fists clenched around the papers in my hands, I looked around the barren room, my heart aching and my chest burning. Fighting against the bile burning the back of my throat, I finally understood. She'd broken us both.

"You lied. You fucking lied. Damn you, Bella."

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**Thanks to Ooza for beta'ing. **

**And thanks to everyone who voted for this entry. I love you guys like whoa. **

*****Due to lots of persuasion ..I will be continuing this. It will be short, but I hope the impact will be no less. Up next will be BPOV of this one shot. Thank you so much for the overwhelming support and interest in these characters. *****


	2. BPOV

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

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**BPOV**

My nose burned from the harsh smell of antiseptic. I didn't want to be here. Not again. I wanted to be with Edward. I wanted to be wrapped in his arms while we talked about the future. Our future. All the things we wanted together.

"Could you please slide down for me?"

The paper crinkled as I scooted down the table, the heels of my feet resting in the cold metal stirrups. "Is this okay?" The break in my voice was impossible to miss, as were the tears leaking from the corners of my eyes.

The doctor looked at me with sympathetic eyes. I didn't want her sympathy. I wanted her to tell me the last few months had been nothing more than a nightmare. That I was fine and my body wasn't revolting against me. That I wasn't broken in the most horrific way a woman could be broken. But we both knew that wasn't going to happen. We knew it six months earlier when she'd hacked into my cervix, cutting out piece after piece of cancerous mass.

"Okay, hold still. I'm going to take a sample. You're going to feel a slight pinch."

My body tensed and my fingers curled around the edge of the table. "I'm ready." It was a lie. I wasn't ready. I didn't want the test. And I wanted the results even less. I wanted to run from the room, flee from the card life had dealt me. I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve this fate, this form of punishment, but if God would give me a second chance, I'd do whatever he wanted. I'd give him everything, all that I was, just to be normal. Just to be given a chance at the life I dreamed of. The life I yearned for.

"Ouch," I choked, my muscles constricting as the doctor burned off yet another piece of my cervix. It wasn't the first time, and as optimistic as I wanted to be, I knew it wouldn't be the last. I was damaged goods. My body was no more than a wasteland of diseased flesh. My throat tightened as my thoughts drifted to Edward. I saw his face in my dreams, his bright smile and loving eyes. I saw the way he looked at Maggie, the way he looked at all children. It was in everything he did. It was in everything he was. There was a light that surrounded him, one that only shined brighter when he was in the presence of children. Children that I would never be able to give him.

"Okay, one more sample. I need you to relax, Bella. We're almost done."

I nodded and fixed my eyes on the ceiling. I tried to ease my muscles. I knew I was only making things more painful by coiling my body with tension, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't let go of the anxiety eating away at me like acid. Because this was it. Test after test. Treatment after treatment. Everything I'd been through, every doctor's appointment I'd hidden from Edward, it all came down to today. My stomach rolled as I thought about the possible outcomes. What I would do if the doctor walked into the room and told me it was game over. That I'd never have children. That due to the severity of my situation, I had no choice but to remove the parts of me that defined me as a woman. The part that allowed me to give Edward the one thing he wanted most. One of the many things he deserved.

"Okay, that's it. I'm going to send this off to the lab. Unfortunately, they're backed up, but I promise to give you the results as soon as possible. No more than a couple of weeks."

I sat up, wincing from the pain in my abdomen. "You put a camera on it, didn't you? Can you tell me if you saw anything?"

Silence swelled around me when she hesitated. My heart lodged in my throat, and I couldn't breathe. I didn't want to. I didn't care if I ever did again if her answer was what I thought it would be. I'd always prided myself on being a strong person. I thought I could face any obstacle, overcome anything life threw at me. I was a fool. Because this was breaking me. It had broken me.

"Bella..."

"Oh, God," I choked, the tears stinging my eyes, breaking free and sliding down my cheeks. "No. Please, no."

"I can't say for certain yet, but the dark masses are still visible."

"Why? Why are they still there?" I cried. "After everything...they're supposed to be gone. Why is this happening to me? What did I do?"

"Bella, this isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself."

"Then who do I blame?" I screamed, my body wracked with sobs as my hands slammed on the table. "Do I blame God? He's supposed to love me! Did I fail him? Did I not measure up to his expectations?"

"Bella―"

"No," I spat. "Don't say anything else. Your platitudes mean nothing to me. I have been through hell. You have cut out parts of me, and you have burned my organs. You have infected me with poison, and you have injected me with every drug known to mankind. I don't care how sorry you are. You were supposed to fix me. I don't give a fuck that you can't guarantee anything." I pressed my hands to my chest and looked at her through blurry eyes. "Why can't you fix me? Please, God, why? Why can't I be fixed? I just want to be normal. I want to be a woman. Having children is the most basic act of being a female. Why can't I have that? Why?"

"If you want to talk to someone, then I can recommend―"

"No! I don't want to talk to anyone! I don't want to be broken. I want to be _me_. How can I tell him? How can I tell him that I can't give him children?" I jumped from the table and clutched the paper gown around my waist. "Fuck this and fuck you. Fuck God, too. All of you can go to hell. Get out. Let me have some dignity. It's the only thing I have left."

I stared at the doctor with hard eyes as she turned and walked out of the room, the door making a soft click behind her. I looked around the room. My heart felt heavy, and my body was so tired. I was tired of fighting. Tired of the hope that refused to die. It swelled in my chest every time I walked in the doctor's office, only to be shattered and smashed time and time again. I thought I could beat this on my own, save Edward from needless worry. Save him from feeling an ounce of the sadness I did. Because I never wanted that. I never wanted to cause him pain. I never wanted to be the root of anything that dimmed the light that shimmered behind his eyes and brought warmth to anyone who was graced with his smile.

But that's exactly who I'd become. Because I was going to cast the biggest shadow he'd ever known. I was going to blanket him in the same dark sadness that shrouded me. And I hated myself for it. Pulling on my clothes, I stumbled numbly to my car. Alex was having a party tonight and not going wasn't an option, even though it was the last place I wanted to be.

I smiled and spoke when necessary. My chest ached and my head throbbed as I thought about how I was going to tell Edward. I'd kept it from him for so long. I was terrified of what his reaction would be. But I had to tell him. I had to let him know that the life we'd planned and the dreams we had were gone, and I was to blame. Grabbing a drink off the table, I slammed it back. I needed to numb myself. I needed to take the edge off.

An hour passed before Edward finally walked through the door. He was so fucking beautiful. He made my knees weak and my heart flutter when I looked at him. He was my entire world. I never wanted to disappoint him. But it seemed that life, fate, karma, or whatever ruled my future didn't give a shit about how I felt or what I wanted. I staggered to the corner to hide myself from view. I wasn't ready to see him yet. I wasn't ready to face him.

"Hi."

I looked at the guy in front of me and smirked. He was a damn fool if he thought he had a chance with me. My thoughts drifted to the past, when Edward and I used to make each other jealous. How we used to push each others buttons until we thought we'd explode. I cut my eyes to the side when I heard the back door open. I watched him cross the room, his arms full of plates, his face content, happy.

I burned for him.

The guy in front of me, Paul he'd said, spoke again, and I don't know why I did it, but I laughed. I didn't even hear what he said, but I wanted Edward to look. I wanted to see that fire burn in his eyes like it burned in mine. It was stupid and immature, but I felt raw and vulnerable and I wanted to see him fight. I wanted to know that I was worth it. I wanted reassurance that when I shattered our future he'd still be there. Standing with me in the wreckage. But that fire never came. As much as I tired, there was nothing more than an impassive glance in my direction as he chatted with his brother before walking away. I felt like a stake had been driven into my chest.

Paul continued to speak, but his words were like static in my ears. All I could see was Edward's retreating form as he turned away from me. Did he not care? Was I in this alone? Never once had he ever walked away from me. Fear and sadness wrapped around my chest and squeezed until the breath left my body. My eyes watered and my entire body just...ached. For him, for me, for us, for what would never be.

Disentangling myself from Paul, I followed Edward. I stopped in the doorway and ducked out of sight as he fell to the floor beside Chelsea and Maggie. My eyes stung at the sight of the smile that lit up his face when he held Mags in his arms. He was so gentle, so sweet. He was meant to be a father.

I snatched a shot off the tray next to me then grabbed another. My eyes were heavy, but not heavy enough. I could still see Edward's smile. I could still see Chelsea's lust filled gaze as Edward kissed Maggie's face.

Strong hands clutched my hips. Fingers pressed into bone, demanding my attention, persuading me to forget about the pain, the heartache of my loss and just feel. Fall into the oblivion of avoidance and not think about tomorrow. Not think about Edward and our situation, not think of right now and how fucking happy he was with a baby in his arms.

But when too soft lips―sloppy with need―latched onto my heated skin, I jerked away as though I'd been burned. I didn't want another man touching me. I didn't want the brush of his skin or the vibration of his voice rumbling against me. I blinked rapidly as my face flushed and my throat tightened. The room began to tilt and it was then I knew I'd passed my limit. If I stayed where I was a second longer, I would hate myself in the morning and every day after.

I pushed away from Paul without a word and stumbled forward. My vision blurred and my body swayed as I made my way toward Edward. Anger irrationally swelled in my chest and in that moment I hated him. I hated him for making me love him. I hated him for being so perfect. But most of all I hated myself for not being able to give him the one thing he wanted most.

I fell into him, drunk and pathetic. I wanted him angry. I wanted him to be ashamed of me. I wanted him to hate me as much as I hated myself. In hushed words he chastised me, his hot breath seared my skin, branding me with humiliation. His grip caused an ache in my bones, but it felt like home. Because as long as I felt the heat of his touch, it meant he was still there. It meant I wasn't alone. It meant for a little longer, he was still mine.

He dragged me to his car, leaving mine parked along the curb. Every step, every tick of the clock, every mile to the home we shared caused bile to rise from my stomach. It ate away at the parts of me that I loved. The parts of me that Edward loved. By the time the car pulled to a stop I felt as barren emotionally as I was physically.

When he begged me to talk to him, I wanted to scream. When I belittled him, I wanted to slice the flesh from my bone. I wanted to absorb every ounce of pain I caused and soak it into my soul when his wounded eyes locked with mine.

He took me hard and rough, just like I asked. But it was empty. It was forced. It was retaliation against the embarrassment and hurt I'd inflicted. When he left me alone and panting―unsatisfied―I couldn't help but smile. It was exactly what I deserved.

I hid my face in shame for the next few weeks. As much as I was embarrassed, I was also preparing. I was conditioning myself for a life without him. I felt myself disconnect and break, a part of me retreating to darkness. The part of me that was a coward, the part that never felt like I deserved his love in the first place grew. It swelled until it swallowed me whole.

The day I walked into our bedroom and saw him packing my heart stopped. It was what I thought I wanted. What I pushed him toward. But the sight broke me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. I'd never wanted to give up, to fall to my knees and beg for forgiveness more than I did in that moment. When his angry eyes turned to mine, when he spoke in harsh whispers laced with pain, I wanted to be as dead as I felt.

My relief when I realized he was going out of town for a conference was undeserved. I was a horrible girlfriend. I was a horrible person, selfish. I had to stop hurting him. Neither of us could go on like we were. He didn't deserve it. Not him. Never him.

He pushed, he begged me for answers, but I was a coward, pathetic. I couldn't stand the thought of the pity that would reflect in his eyes. The understanding and then ultimately, the self sacrifice. Because as much as I had convinced myself that he would leave, that he would walk out the door to have the life he always dreamed of, I knew better.

He would love me until he hated me. He would promise it didn't matter until he suffocated his resentment in lies. He would give up the life he craved for a person who wasn't worthy. Because he deserved the world, and I couldn't give him that. I couldn't give him anything, but that didn't stop me from taking from him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his lips. I lost myself in the warmth of his body pressing against mine. Pushing away my thoughts, closing my mind to anything expect that moment, I let everything melt away. There was no pain, no secrets. It was just us. It reminded me of how we used to be. The memory slammed into me. I felt desperate. I wanted to feel him push inside of me. I wanted to see him look at me like I was his entire world. I wanted it ingrained in my mind. He noticed. He noticed everything. And like always, he gave me exactly what I wanted. My selfishness disgusted me.

I lay in bed that night, my eyes focused on the ceiling. My skin crawled with anxiety until I wanted to claw it off. I knew he was going to press for answers as soon as he woke. A sharp pain sliced through my abdomen, a reminder. Wincing, I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for the stab to dull to an ache. I pressed my hand to my stomach and gritted my teeth until I was able to slip out of bed and into the bathroom. Swallowing a couple of pain pills, I stepped into the shower, letting the hot water scald my skin and relax my tense muscles. Dressed and anxious, I made a fresh pot of coffee and propped a note against the front. Tiptoeing into the bedroom, I pressed my lips to his.

"I love you," I whispered before disappearing out the front door.

I buried myself in work and ignored his calls and texts. When I walked into our empty home that evening, a hollow feeling bloomed in my chest. I imagined what it would be like to feel this way every day. The thought was crippling. I spent the night tossing and turning. Silent tears stained my cheeks as I pressed his pillow against my face. The next morning, my eyes were swollen and my body ached. After a quick call to the office that I wouldn't be in, I fell back into bed and sucummed to fatigue.

Hours later, I dragged myself out of the bedroom and tried to pull it together. Flipping through the mail, my heart stopped and my breath stilled when I found a letter from the doctor's office. It was my test results. With shaky hands I ripped open the envelope. My vision blurred and my knees buckled as I read the results. Words like, _absent, normal, _and _not detected_ caused my chest to expand to the point of pain. I felt as though I was going to burst.

My results were clear. The masses were benign. Everything was going to be okay. My arms wrapped around my middle, and I leaned forward until my cheek pressed against the cool tile floor. Sobs of relief stole my breath and mended my heart. I cried out every ouch of pent up hurt and anger. Months and months of uncertainty left my body with each shuddering exhale. It was finally over.

"Edward."

His name tasted like honey on my lips. I jumped to my feet and stumbled to my phone. I wanted to talk to him. I needed to hear his voice. I had so much to make up for. His shock was evident in his tone when he answered. Shame bit into my skin. I'd treated him so badly. But all of that was over. I was going to be okay. We were going to be okay. Or so I thought.

Stirring sauce in a pan, I hummed along with the song on the radio. My cheeks ached from the smile that had permanently fixed itself to my face for the past several hours. My heart thumped and butterflies fluttered in my stomach. It was the first time in months that I felt at peace. It was a high like none I'd ever experienced. The phone rang, pulling me from my thoughts. I reached for it absently, not bothering to look at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I asked, touching my tongue to the sauce-covered wooden and wincing when it burned the tip.

"This is Dr. Tanner."

My face split into a wide smile as I dropped the spoon and turned my attention to Bree. "Hi! I was going to call you later. I got my results. I don't even know where to begin. I'm so sorry for the way I acted the last time I saw you. I was so stressed and frustrated. I'd almost given up hope. But you did it. You fixed me. I can't thank you enough. I can't tell you what this means to me. Do I need to come in for a follow up? Is there anything else I need to do?"

Silence hung in the air. I pulled the phone away from my ear. I thought the call had been disconnected, but the timer continued to tick. "Are you there?"

"Bella." Bree's voice was cautious, hesitant. It caused my stomach it twist and drop.

"What is it?"

I listened as Bree pulled in a sharp breath before shattering my world into a million pieces. "I'd hope to call you before you received the letter. There―" Bree cleared her throat. "―there was a mix up at the lab. Those aren't your results. I'm so sorry to put you through this. The lab was backed up. Several samples were labeled incorrectly. We didn't realize it until I received a hysterical phone call from another patient."

I didn't have to hear any more. I understood. "She had my results, didn't she?"

"She did."

"And she was hysterical because the results came back that she had cancer."

"I'm so sorry."

"God damnit!" I screamed, my free hand flying to my hair and yanking until the strands pulled free. "No! Why? How could this happen? Do you―" I closed my eyes and tried to stop the room from spinning. Every bit of hope and happiness that had surged through me mere hours ago suddenly vanished. I was crushed. I was done. It was over.

I flung the phone across the room. The sound of plastic shattering against the wall and falling to the floor echoed around me. I screamed until my lungs burned and my throat was raw. I begged for answers I would never get. I cried until my tears ran dry, until I was numb. An empty shell. Until I felt nothing. Everything blurred together until pieces of a plan started to form. I couldn't do this anymore. Images of surgeries and treatments floated through my mind like a fog. Depression and hopelessness swelled in my chest and spread to my limbs. I saw Edward's slumped shoulders and sad eyes reflected back at me. It cut to the core.

I wouldn't make him suffer with me. I couldn't. I'd been selfish enough already. Without thought I drove to the store and filled my car with boxes. One call to my boss was all it took to secure the job she'd offered me just a week ago. The one on the other side of the country. Charlie tried to reason with me, but I wasn't going to change my mind. He knew it. I was methodical in my planning. I didn't allow myself to think about the wheels I'd set in motion or the hole they would rip in my chest.

I didn't talk to Edward. It forced me to realize something about myself. The only thing that surpassed my selfishness was my cowardice. It just served as further proof that I didn't deserve him. So I removed myself from our home piece by piece. I tore down all that we'd built. I didn't think it was possible to feel more broken or empty than I already did until my eyes landed on the diamond ring hidden in one of his drawers. The tears I thought were long gone wrecked me all over again. I hoped he hated me for what I was going to do.

But with all my planning, the one thing I hadn't accounted for was him coming back from the conference early. With my things in storage and my plane ticket booked, I put on my best dress. I fixed my hair and makeup. I looked exactly like the fraud I was pretending to be. I tried to avoid him, but this time, he wasn't giving up.

"Tell me what the fuck is going on," he roared, his eyes both frightened and angry.

The pain etched in his features was too much. I snapped. "I'm leaving," I screamed, my face flooded with heat.

He froze, and when he spoke his voice was barely above a whisper. "What?"

"You heard me. I'm leaving. We're done." I blinked back tears as I looked into his eyes. My mouth watered and the urge to vomit consumed me.

"What? No. What are you―" He reached up and threaded his fingers into his hair before a look of determination crossed his face.

I knew that look. I dreaded it. Because he was going to force me to tell the biggest lie of my existence.

"No. You don't get to leave me, Bella."

I balled my hands into fist, trying to stop their shaking. "That's not your decision to make. I have to do what's best for me. I deserve to be happy."

"Bullshit," he spat. "I have no say? I'm just supposed to accept this and let you go? We're supposed to be a team. Me and you. We make these decisions together. You don't get to throw us away!"

I felt like I was on fire. Like my body had been shoved inside of an incinerator. My insides charred but on the outside I was icy steel. "Do you love me, Edward? Do you want me to be happy?"

His answer was immediate. And it was exactly what I expected. "Of course I fucking do."

"Then don't ask me to stay. Don't force me into a relationship I no longer want."

I wanted to vomit. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to do anything that would close the gaping hole in my chest.

His face twisted with pain, and for the first time, I welcomed the agony that ripped through my stomach. I wanted the poison inside my body to infect every inch of me. Torture me slowly until there was nothing.

"How can you say that to me? We made plans, Bella. We have a future. We promised forever."

"_You_ made plans, Edward. Oh, my God. Can't you see?" I yelled, throwing my arms wide. I needed to leave. I needed to get away from him. If I stayed any longer, I was going to break down and ruin everything. So I lied. Again.

"This is not the life I wanted. This is your life. Your plans. Your future. You wanted the steady job. Marriage, kids, and a white picket fence. I feel trapped. Caged. I feel like I'm suffocating. Do you remember when we first met? How we planned to see the world and work stupid odd jobs and live life to the fullest? That's what I agreed to. Not this."

He stared at me in stunned silence. I watched his face, watched as the wheels turned in his head. As he put together the pieces of a puzzle that was created from lies. That's when I saw it. Desperation. He wasn't going to let me go. Not until I crushed him. "You want to travel? We'll travel. We don't have to get married or have kids. I just want you. Don't you know that? I don't care about any of those things. They mean nothing without you."

"I don't want that. I don't want you to give up your dreams so that I can have mine. Neither of us should have to make that sacrifice."

"I don't care about that stuff. Don't you understand?"

I grasped at straws, saying anything I could to avoid uttering the ultimate lie. "So are you telling me that you haven't bought a ring? That you don't have plans to ask me to marry you?"

"How do you―"

"And what about kids?" I continued, not giving him a chance to sway me. "I see how you are with Maggie. You're a child psychologist for Christ's sake. You've built your entire career around children."

"But you're my life, baby."

My chest constricted and everything fucking hurt. I thought about what our lives would be like if I stayed. If I told him the truth. And then I imagined what it would be like when he realized he made a mistake and left me anyway. I was too much of a coward to take that risk. "You say that now. But what about in a year? Two years? What if you decide you want to marry and have children? I don't want that. Why prolong the inevitable? Why put off finding someone who shares those dreams with you?"

"Because I don't want someone else," he choked.

Crossing the room, he wrapped me in his arms. I tried to push him away even though everything inside of me wanted to pull him closer. I cried out, my body rigid as I fought for the strength to shove against his chest until he stumbled back. I turned away and wiped under my eyes, trying my best to keep it together. Just a little longer. Pulling in a deep breath, I faced the love of my life once more. I hid behind my lies. I buried my feelings and pretended that I wasn't dying inside.

When I spoke, my voice was void of any emotion. "I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

A dozen emotions flickered across his face before hard lines dominated his features. "No you're not. You don't feel anything. You can't possibly feel sorrow. Because if you did, you'd be dying inside. Just like me."

I narrowed my eyes and pressed my lips into a thin line as I battled the hysteria stirring in my chest. He had no idea how dead I was inside. Except my deadness wasn't metaphorical. It was real and irreversible. My anger spiked. Not at him, but at myself. Because the only reason he didn't know these things was because I chose to keep them from him. "Don't play the victim," I sneered, channeling my anger so I could end this once and for all. "You're not dying. You'll move on and find someone else. In time you won't even remember me."

"I could never forget you. I love you. How can you walk away from everything we are?"

"What are we, Edward? We're nothing. Just two people who tripped into each other's lives for a moment in time. We were never meant to be forever. Stop imagining what could have been and accept it's over."

His back slid against the wall as he fell to the floor. He searched my face, his eyes pleading, but I didn't waiver. I didn't give in. I burned myself from the inside out until there was nothing but a vacant shell.

"What happened to you? Don't do this. Don't end us. I don't know how to live like that. Because a life without you?" he choked, his eyes pained. "It's nothing. There's no life without you. Not for me."

I dropped my eyes to the floor, too much of a coward to look at him. To see the crushing pain tearing him apart. In a soft spoken voice, I told the most vile lie of my life. "I'm not in love with you anymore. I'm sorry."

I didn't look at him as I walked out the door and fell into my car. I ignored the pain in my chest that felt like I'd torn my heart out and left it lying on the ground. I made it two blocks before I flung open the car door and spilled the contents of my stomach. I drove the block eight times before turning out of our neighborhood. And then I turned around again. I sobbed against the steering wheel until the sun set and rose once more. I'd missed my flight, but I didn't care.

When I finally pulled myself together and rescheduled my flight the next morning, I was completely numb. I'd walked out on the best thing that had ever happened to me. I'd ripped out my soul. I'd never be whole again. But even in my haze of anguish, the pain that knotted my abdomen was all the reminder I needed that I'd done the right thing. He deserved someone better. He deserved a real woman, not a fraud.

* * *

**A/N**

**Sup. I'm pretty sure some of you are like mannnn EFF this Bella. She's an idiot. She should have told him! *screams, rages, and yanks out hair* Others are probably****trying to stop that weird twisty thing in their stomach because they get it. Whether it's because they've been in a similar situation or know someone who has. I just ask that everyone keep an open mind. It's a really tough, emotional situation to deal with. And sometimes people make really stupid decisions that they wish they could go back and change. Just to that one split second in time before everything was fucked up.**

**So where do we go from here? I have this plotted out to be about 7ish chapters. It's primarily going to be EPOV so for those of you wanting to strangle Bella, you won't have to spend a lot of time in her head. This won't be some crazy long story like Glycerine (don't worry, I'm getting to that.) I'm going to try to have some of it written before I start posting so you don't have to wait long between updates. I have a particular reader who kinda frightens me. I don't think it would behoove me to make her wait. ;)**

**For those waiting on Glycerine, I had to scrap 2k and start over because I was SO UNHAPPY with the chapter. Once I did that things started rolling again. I have 5k done and I'm hoping to wrap it up this week. *crosses fingers and toes and wiggles my nose***

**Also, anyone interested in reading some Halloween flash fics, myself, Raggdolly, and darkNnerdy have been posting some to our blog which can be found at theunholytrinityofhorror dot BlogSpot dot com. We'll start posting our collab in three days! **

**Epic a/n is finally over. **

**~Liv**


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